How BDSM helps me with anxiety and low self-esteem

Hearing the phrase “BDSM” sends people’s minds in one of two directions. Mention Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism and they’ll think of intimidating sex shops where you press a buzzer and a guy in rubber pants opens the door, or of charity shop shelves heaving with wrinkled copies of Fifty Shades of Grey. Stripped of all pop culture and paraphernalia, it generally boils down to dominance and submission between consenting parties, often, but not always, for sexual gratification.

“Sit at my feet and pass me my drink.”

Playing with power, pain and pleasure

I’m a practising dominant. In BDSM one may be the dominant/top, and the other the submissive/bottom (as with all subcultures, it comes complete with its own language and terminology). Within a pre-agreed timeframe and pre-agreed parameters, the dominant is in charge, and free to exert their dominance as they see fit. It may be something as subtle as verbal instructions – “sit at my feet and pass me my drink” – or as explicit as tying their sub down and inflicting pain. It’s a way of playing with power dynamics, transgression, pain and pleasure.

Struggling with low confidence

Prior to doing this, I’ve always felt I was terrible in bed. A sudden growth spurt as a teenager left me awkward, gangly, and with only the faintest sense of where my limbs end. On top of that, I’m one of nature’s worriers. What if I’m being boring? What if I’m weird? These thoughts are present all the time, it’s just they get worse when I’m being physically intimate with someone.

I think to myself “ugh you’re disgusting” even though I know it’s nonsense.

This is partly down to general anxiety and partly because, for as long as I can remember, I’ve had appallingly low self-esteem. Intellectually, I know it’s nonsense. I’m tall, slim and attractive in the right light, but even years of (very helpful) therapy haven’t convince me that I’m not some horrible goblin of a man.

It affects every aspect of my life, but during sex is the worst. I lie back and look at my stomach thinking “Ugh. You’re disgusting.” I can’t enjoy the moment because I’m so wrapped up with resentment of my own body that it eclipses everything else. It’s stupid. I know it is, but that doesn’t change a thing.

Acting important

With all this emotional baggage, it came as a surprise when I found myself becoming interested in the BDSM scene, and an even bigger surprise when I turned out to be good at it. On paper, being dominant is the worst thing for an anxious human. You have to take control, you have to act like you’re the most important person in the room – hell, in the world – and you have to believe it. It’s hard to imagine anything more stressful for someone with terrible self-esteem than demanding that a person do something and having the confidence that they will obey.

For a few hours, I’m confident and at ease in my own skin.

Having been part of the scene for a few years, I’m constantly astonished at how liberating it can actually be. When I’m playing with a sub, I get to be someone else. I’m not Alex, riddled with doubt and nagging insecurities: I’m Sir. I’m sexy and scary and you’re lucky to kiss my feet. It takes me out of my own head and gives me a holiday from being me. I can shake off my daily worries and play a character. For a few hours, I’m confident and at ease in my own skin.

Knowing someone trusts you

Weirdly, this sensation sticks around. I’ve found myself becoming more and more confident in my day to day life. It’s partly “fake it ‘til you make it”, and partly the confidence that comes from knowing that someone trusts you enough, wants you enough, to submit to you and all the horrible, wonderful things you plan to do to them. After all, if someone is that comfortable with you, surely you can’t be all that bad?

It’s hard work, but can be deeply rewarding.

Obviously this isn’t a panacea and it certainly isn’t for everyone. A BDSM relationship requires an extraordinary amount of trust between both parties. Agreements have to be reached, limits have to be set, and respect and openness are paramount. It’s hard work, but can be deeply rewarding. For me, as well as being sexy, thrilling and transgressive, it’s a wonderful way to take a little break from my seemingly innate dislike of myself, and to end up smiling and sweaty with my sub as we hug, reassure each other, and both emerge walking that little bit taller.

Should a Slave Be Afraid?

In the BDSM relationship, adrenaline seems to be as valuable a tool as any whip or chain. When a slave is afraid, they are going to be more sensitive and they are also more likely to make mistakes, helping the Master or Mistress have some behaviors to train, while also helping to excite the Master or the Mistress who is turned on by the need to control. That said, there have been some discussions about whether true fear for one’s life and well being is a good idea in the BDSM relationship. After all, you don’t want to feel as though you should cower at a Dominant’s feet, do you? And a Master or Mistress doesn’t want a slave to be truly afraid of them, do they?

The Power of Fear

Fear is a powerful emotion and the most basic emotion that a human has. When we are afraid of anything, we are launched into the most basic of responses – fight or flight. We can choose to either fight what we are afraid of or we can choose to flee. In the BDSM context, the slave might have every urge to fight and to flee, but they might not be able to whether they are restrained or they are told not to fight or to flee. This causes a dramatic amount of tension in a scene and it can make the hearts of both the slave and the Mistress or Master beat all the faster. Fear also causes a slave to want to do anything in order to avoid the thing they fear: pain, restraint, etc. Thus, fear can be a powerful tool for training. As being able to avoid fear is a great motivator.

The Danger of Fear

However, the main concern with fear is that some slaves are not going to be able to handle these feelings. They might lose themselves in the fear and begin to suffer emotional problems as a result. A Master or a Mistress will want to make sure their slave is able to handle high stress situations which will involve fear or they might end up with a slave who is broken more than they are obedient. And that’s not the goal of slave training. The goal is to train a slave to be able to have the feelings of fear they have, but then they still can work through them in order to do what they are expected to do. When this is not possible, the training can falter and fail miserably.

The Balance of Fear

The feeling of fear is based on the idea that something unexpected might happen. As a Mistress or a Master develops a scene, they do not want to include anything that the slave does not want and as a result, the slave should not be afraid when they walk into the dungeon. They might be afraid of the pain they might face or of not pleasing their Master or Mistress, but they will have TRUST that their owner is not going to actually harm them. Does trust develop overnight? No, but the owner should be sure to show the slave that they will only do what they have agreed to do within the slave contact which has been developed.

Fear is a natural response, but it can be damaging in a BDSM relationship when it is actually based on the idea that the Master or the Mistress is going to harm the slave. When you have clear boundaries and you have safety words, chances are good the slave will never feel fear, only excitement and anticipation.

BDSM: A Kink You Don’t Need To Be Afraid Of

Many people shy away from bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism (BDSM), but it’s actually more popular and more sex positive than you might expect, or than the name might suggest. Often, people fear the kink because of preconceived notions based on movies or TV shows, but there’s a lot more to learn about BDSM before it can be judged.

Welcoming all types of sexual orientation, BDSM is a diverse spectrum. For some, the experience may be solely sensual, others may prefer to play dominant and submissive roles in different situations, and still others may enjoy the sensation of pain or inflicting pain from a very slight to a stronger degree.

The most important thing to note about BDSM is that consent and communication are extremely important to the welfare and enjoyment of all people involved. Setting the proper boundaries before play and creating safe words and gestures are vital to the experience.

Emotions can run high in relationships, especially if those relationships are sexual. This is even truer for BDSM as a more intense sexual and emotional experience, so it’s important to have the proper after-care. After-care can be anything including cuddling with your partner(s) or some mutual alone time, and depends on each individual and their personal emotional needs.

Communication is extremely important both during play and in after-care because if you don’t voice what you need, your partner may not know and the experience becomes less pleasurable. The BDSM experience could be the best you’ve ever had, but without communication and the proper after-care, it could easily turn into a bad memory and a bad relationship with a partner.

In BDSM culture, a “top,” also called “dom,” is someone who takes a dominant role in “play,” which can be anything from acting out a scene with no sexual contact to what the couple chooses to do during sex. A “bottom,” or “sub,” is the submissive partner, and is usually the one experiencing sensation. There are some people who identify as “switch,” which means they feel comfortable taking on either role.

Often, play is sexual, but it doesn’t have to be. Some people enjoy dominant and submissive roles in non-sexual social situations. For asexual people, sex is not the focus of play in the BDSM world, but rather it’s about the other sensations and emotional feelings.

Navigating BDSM with a history of trauma can be tricky but the most important thing to remember is communication and acceptance. It’s important to be patient, and if a partner gets frustrated with your needs, that’s a sign for both parties to rethink their relationship. If something gets too intense, play can stop at any time and everybody involved always has the right to say “no,” even to something previously agreed upon.

The Seattle Center for Sex Positive Culture (CSPC) is a great place to start learning about BDSM and ways to spice up your sex life. The nonprofit center seeks to educate and facilitate safe and open sexual expression, consent, and dialogue through a variety of fun and informative events.

According to CSPC’s website: “In a sex positive world, everyone has the freedom and resources to pursue a fulfilling and empowering sex life.”


BDSM Fun: The Truth about Why People Enjoy BDSM

The majority of people that have never experienced anything BDSM-related often wonder what is so attractive about it. They want to know why so many people want to be a part of the BDSM community and what draws them to kinky sex. 


There are numerous answers to these questions. It would be nearly impossible to list all of them since each person is different. However, there are a few general rules that might surprise you. 

People Have Full Control

One of the most appealing things that makes people like BDSM is control. If we are talking about the dominant person in a relationship, the control is quite obvious. They will be the ones deciding what their partner will do, dictating the action, and it can be so much fun. After all, it is an essential part of power play — there is a dominant and a submissive partner. 


But even if we talk about the submissive partner, they will still have a lot of control over the situation, even if it seems otherwise. For starters, the submissive person will always decide what toys and scenarios they want to try out. 


While it might look on the outside that the dominant partner will decide to use a specific toy, in reality, they have little to no choice in the matter. BDSM practitioners know about the dynamics between couples, and that is what draws so many people to try bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, as well as sadism and masochism. 

A Way of Intensifying Sex

If you are looking to try out new things, BDSM is an excellent choice, especially if you want to try something kinkier and more intense. It is worth mentioning that there are many different types of BDSM. It doesn’t always have to be something related to pain. 


Believing everything is about pain is one of the most common misunderstandings here. People believe that the submissive person will have no choice, even though they are fully in control of all the actions. And secondly, many people get the wrong idea of how BDSM is all about pure violence. But it doesn’t have to be. 


In fact, there are many elements of BDSM that are considered to be quite sexy and kinky. Even cute! And people use them all over the world. We also saw them in movies numerous times as well. We are talking about handcuffs and temperature play. 


The most romantic movies you can find have molten wax or ice cubes, and these are both elements of BDSM. It is a way to heighten up the senses and experience pleasure like never before. No one is telling you that you need to go straight to anal play and whips. Instead, you can start slow and choose elements of BDSM that seem exciting to you. 

It Involves Trust With Your Partner

Trying out anything new requires a lot of trust, especially if that action can cause physical harm. Trust is one of the most important parts of any relationship. But in BDSM, it is even more important. It would be impossible to surrender control of your body to someone you don’t trust. 


And there are many safety mechanisms in BDSM you need to know. The first and most important one is the usage of a safe word. That is, a couple will pick a word they will use to bail out. In short, if someone says it, all action needs to stop. The word means that the partner is not willing to continue with the scene regardless of the reason. 


Having someone you will trust with this is huge. Luckily, many people are attracted to this type of relationship and connection, so you have nothing to worry about. 

It Is Their Way to Explore Life

People should do what they feel comfortable doing — as long as it is consensual and within reason. If someone enjoys having sex in the missionary position exclusively, there is nothing wrong with it. As long as they are happy. But for many others, that can get rather dull after a while. 


BDSM is a way of exploring different aspects of life and sexuality. You get to try out new things, and it can be quite intense and emotional. In some cases, practical BDSM doesn’t need to be sexual at all. Looking at bondage and physical restraint gives us a perfect example of people enjoying something simple. Yes, bondage often ends with sex, but it doesn’t need to be the case unless you want it to be. 

People Feel Secured When Restrained

And that leads us to the last part. Namely, some people enjoy the feeling of being restrained. As you can probably guess, Japan took things even further, and they turned restraint into art. It is called Shibari. 


Shibari is the art of ropes, and it involves one or more people. You can easily practice this type of BDSM alone, but it is more complicated.


Shibari is an art form where the dominant person will create intricate patterns with ropes, and the primary idea is to make everything look aesthetic. The positions and scenes can look gorgeous, and for many people, the act is not sexual at all. 


The submissive person in this case enjoys the feeling of restraint. It is similar to meditation, and they can get in a state of mental relaxation and stimulation. Shibari requires a lot of time and practice, but it can be rather satisfying. Of course, if we talk about other types of bondage, it is a bit different. 


We have predicament bondage where a person is forced to stay in a specific position that will cause muscle fatigue. This can be standing on tiptoe or anything else that will force them to change their position. However, changing it will cause them pain or discomfort, so they will try their best not to move. 


Of course, that is a more extreme example, and there are numerous others that are more beginner-friendly. In the majority of other cases, the primary focus is on erotica and aesthetics, which are the main pros of BDSM in general, according to many.

Nifty uses for cock rings

Cock rings are simple sex toys for men that are intended to be worn around the base of your penis. They are available in various types and sizes, and some can even cover the testicles. But what do they actually do, and how can you use them with your partner? Do they offer some secret hacks and uses that will maximize your pleasure? Find out about some really nifty uses for cock rings! 

The primary function of a cock ring

The primary purpose of a cock ring is to keep you harder for longer. Wearing one will even make your cock look firmer and bigger than ever before! 

While silicone rings are the most common, other popular cock ring materials include rubber and leather along with steel for more experienced users. Additionally, some cock rings aren’t only intended to extend erections and satisfy men. There is a wide variety of rings with features like vibrating functions and remote-controlled operations that can be highly pleasurable for women. 

Erectile dysfunction treatment

One of the most effective purposes for cock rings is to help people with erectile dysfunction. This is a condition that makes it difficult for men to maintain or get an erection during sex. 

Moreover, the reason why penis rings are helpful for ED is that they work by slowing down blood circulation. They do not block off the circulation entirely, but they constrict the penis. 

That way, they prevent the blood from flowing out of it once it is erect. If you suffer from ED and can achieve even a partial erection, wearing a cock ring will keep the blood flow out of the penis. That will enable you to maintain your erection and have sex regularly. 

All the feels

Putting a ring on your cock will not only make it harder and appear longer! In fact, any type of sensation will feel much more pleasurable. That includes masturbation, oral sex, and penetrative sex. And because they boost and prolong your sensations, they can also double the intensity of your orgasms! 

Speaking of sensations, some guys could have second thoughts regarding cock rings. They might look a bit intimidating to beginners, but in truth, they are quite harmless. Cock rings do not hurt, but you could run into problems if you choose one that’s simply too tight. If you experience any pain, take it off immediately to avoid permanent damage.

Clitoral stimulation

Like we’ve mentioned, cock rings can have a variety of extra features, including vibration. Simply slip it on before vaginal penetration and press it against your partner’s clit. The vibrations will drive most women wild, and they’ll also increase your pleasure even further! 

And here’s a cool hack: you don’t need a real dick to enjoy a vibrating cock ring! Women can wear one on their fingers during solo sessions. 

You can also slide it over a dildo or strap-on before penetrating your pussy or ass. Another tip is to slide a vibrating ring over a standard vibrator. That way, you’ll be able to sense powerful internal and external vibrations simultaneously! 

Buzzworthy hand jobs 

Another reason why vibrating rings are handy is that you can wear them on your hand while treating your partner to a special hand job. The vibrations will be enough to drive him wild, especially if you love to tease him with dirty talk! 

But since the toy isn’t really designed for this, be sure to use a gentle and light touch. On the other hand, you can make your partner wear the ring while stroking his cock. If you’re a bit on the kinky side, cock rings are great for edging hand jobs or even orgasm denial and cock milking. 

Mind-blowing blowjobs

And here’s another far-out suggestion: during oral sex, the giver can slip the ring on their tongue and run it up and down the receiver’s penis. It’s best to try this if you’re an experienced blowjob champion who isn’t afraid of choking hazards!

Not everyone will enjoy that, and if you’re intimidated by it, just go for a classic BJ and slide the ring onto your partner’s dick or even his balls. That will definitely feel good as he will be harder than ever before!

Anal play

Since cock rings make erections firmer, they are simply perfect for anal play and anal sex. Tight anal penetration can sometimes constrict the penis and make it flaccid quickly. This can also cause discomfort for the receiver. The best tip here is to use cock rings during anal sex to make your penis harder and much less bendy. 

That will facilitate insertion and will feel much better for both partners. Plus, if the ring has vibrating functions, you can try extra anal or clitoral stimulation while sliding your penis in and out of their booty. 

Double pleasure

The fun can truly start if you buy a few variants with additional features! For example, you can double the pleasure with a cock ring that has a butt plug attached to it. This kind of toy is intended for prostate stimulation. Another similar toy is an anal bead and cock ring combo. Still, since the beads are longer, you can also insert them inside your partner’s asshole or pussy during penetration. 

Furthermore, another option is a double-ended ring that has two bullet vibrators attached to each end. This will provide toe-curling stimulation of your balls, cock, anus, and it will stimulate your partner’s genitals as well. 

One ring to rule them all! 

To conclude, cock rings truly have many uses, and it’s definitely worth it to invest in one or several to maximize the pleasure for you and your partner! Have fun!

Why women prefer butt plugs for anal sex

Anal orgasm is a topic that is based on ideas about sex. Many women are very attracted to the thought of anal orgasm, although a third of them have never experienced it. In fact, many are reported to be trying to master the use of plugs. The number of pornographic scenes with anal sex creates the impression that a woman wants to experience all types of orgasm, especially anal sex. Let’s look at what excites a woman when stimulating the anus. Anal sex is something that a certain number of people have tried; some of them continue to practice it, while others only dream. Sex is even more exciting when it is diverse and a partner can fulfill your most immodest wishes. Sexual pleasure depends on our openness. Anal stimulation is most affected. Anal sex is not only an opportunity to try something new; it is a special kind of relaxation, trust and courage. First of all, these are various barriers that can increase feelings during anal contact in both women and men. But know beforehand that there are many butt plugs which naturally boosts testosterone in men so don’t worry, you got many choices.

Is it okay to walk exercise with butt plug on? Many women expect that when they stimulate the anus with their finger or erotic toys, they can get an anal orgasm. This is quite possible, but unlikely. Some women can achieve anal orgasm even when their partner just caresses her hips. In order to understand why anal stimulation is so pleasant, you can refresh your knowledge with anatomy. The female sphincter is very sensitive and literally filled with nerve endings, the stimulation of which provides physical satisfaction. The only problem is that the rectum is a very sensitive organ and any injuries and wounds heal very poorly, so before anal contact it is important to take care of lubrication and choose the correct posture. All steps of both partners must be thought out. The big advantage is the proximity of the female anus with the vagina,

Perhaps the biggest obstacle in anal sex is hygiene. The reason, for which it is desirable to adhere to the maximum purity during anal contact, is known to all. Before you engage in this type of sex, you must take a shower and thoroughly wash the anus with antibacterial soap. Another recommendation for anal sex is to avoid alternating anal, oral and vaginal sex. Since the transfer of rectal bacteria can reward a woman with a serious illness, even if the partner uses a condom.

If a woman does not have any experience in anal sex, you should not expect that you will achieve an orgasm on the first attempt. The female sphincter automatically pushes everything that tries to penetrate the anus. A woman should be completely relaxed and use a sufficient amount of lubricant. The psychological state is still the number one priority. At the very first penetration is not desirable to use toys. Even with good lubrication and well-chosen posture, you can feel unpleasant pressure. In order to get maximum pleasure and reach orgasm, you need to do everything slowly, while communicating with a partner. With painful sensations, further manipulation is desirable to stop. There is nothing to worry about if you try to use a finger, butt plug, a small vibrator or an external prostate massager instead of the penis in order to achieve orgasm. All of these will clearly suffice your kinky desire, but a proper knowledge of external prostate massage is a must to keep away from unwanted  infections, read here to learn more. The sphincter must become accustomed to previously unknown sensations.

You can get the first results in a few days or weeks with regular contact. It will be useful for women to know that there are special lubricating gels for anal sex, which relax muscles and ensure long-lasting hydration, which greatly increases the chances of getting an anal orgasm. On an orgasm during anal sex women lay legends. The truth is one – to get anal orgasm is quite real. For some, this kind of contact is one of the best experiences in their sex lives, for others it is just a pleasant feeling.

12 New Sex Positions To Try

A new month is a time for new things – which can include sex.

Whether it’s bringing the spark back to a stale bedroom or trying something different for shits and giggles, there are literally hundreds of new sex positions to choose from.


While things like the “helicopter” might bring you bragging rights, for most people, it will probably result in a trip to the chiropractor or hospital. So, here are some more gentle (but still fun) options for you to experiment with – one new one for each month of the year. First and foremost though, if you’re wearing long-term chastity cage, remove it and feel the freedom. This way, it will acclimate you to the heat of the moment. Making a comeback sex is one of the ways you can use chastity to make her scream!


SIDE NOTE: Rather than saying “man/woman” for the logistics of each position, I’m going to say the “giver/receiver”. We don’t exclude same-sex couples here.




WHAT: Also known as the Coital Alignment Technique or “CAT”. There are long-ass paragraphs explaining each step to each movement. Honestly, the entire thing ends up reading like a pretty bland medical essay, so here’s the basic rub…

HOW: Start in a basic missionary, but the Giver leans upward and rocks back and forth instead of thrusting up and down. If you still don’t understand what’s going on, just remember, you’re using your pelvis to maintain the back-and-forth contact with the Receiver’s clit.

WHY: Most women can’t reach orgasm with internal stimulation – they need clitoral attention. This way, you both share in the pleasure.


2. THE “T”



WHAT: Sometimes called “Afternoon Delight” (although it sounds like a kind of tea brand).

HOW: The Giver lays on their side. The Receiver lays on their back at a 90-degree angle, legs draped over their partner’s body – essentially creating a T shape.

WHY: It’s great if you have little to energy but are still randy or you want to play for a long time. It’s also great if you want to experiment with anal.





HUH?  Okay, there are so many variants of this position that to name all the aliases would get confusing. There are also different names if the “woman” is on top sitting straight vs bending forwards vs turned around. Jeez.

HOW: Let’s keep things simple. The Giver lays on their back, phallus ready. The Receiver sits astride, and, if your joints can take it, lean back.

WHY: You’ll have better access to play with sex toys, clit stimulation, or different sensations while thrusting. Great if one partner has more energy than the other.





HUH? Sort of a Reverse Cowgirl idea, but with a few tweaks.

HOW? The Giver sits with legs outstretched (putting weight on either both hands or one, if you want something free to fondle with). The receiver sits on top but facing away. The tweaks? The Receiver leans forward into what’s pretty much the bottom part of a doggy style.

WHY? Better control for the top participate. Also good if one person has more energy.




HUH?: The name is irrelevant, I just made it up (and the original title “the cross” brought up SO many different positions).

HOW: It’s easier just to look at a picture… BUT, take notice of the leg that’s tucked up and the near “scissor” position the couple is in.

WHY: The tucked leg allows the Giver to hold on and have better control of the thrusting. The scissoring is good if the Receiver has flexibility issues, especially around the hips.





GUH? One of the handful of positions that uses the same name across any book or article … or you end up with military hardware in your search results. A multi-tasking position that’s definitely worth a try.

HOW: Receiver on their back, legs tucked into their chest (or as close as possible). Giver gets on their knees, puts Receiver’s feet in his/her chest, and penetrates.

WHY: Both parties have ample control over speed and thrusting. Great for G-spot targeting or those with shorter penises or dildo strap-ons.




WHAT? Another Kama Sutra name that makes no sense. But I do dig this position even though it requires some maneuvering to get into it.

HOW: Giver sits, legs extended. Receiver lays on their back, legs apart, knees bent, and the Receiver between his/her legs.

WHY: A relaxing position that leaves the Receiver’s hands (and mouth) free to do anything and everything – including wrapping their arms around the Giver’s hips, lifting, and engaging in some fantastic penetration.




WHAT: Think doggy style but with a pinch of scissoring and a tad more bending. It can be as simple or as complicated as you want.

HOW: Version one is like doggy style, but the tweak is the Giver only puts one knee between the Receiver’s legs (instead of both in between or outside). Version tow, the Receiver puts themselves into a frog or “Sphinx” crouch. The Giver can instead lean forward until they are nearly laying down.

WHY: Great for deep penetration. But the Giver will get tired faster than other positions.




WHAT: You don’t have to spend all your sexy tie laying down. Get freaky while standing up.

HOW: Both parties stand up, Giver facing away from the Receiver, who wrapped their arms around their partner and penetrates from behind.

WHY: Different sensations mixed with the intimacy of an embrace.




WHAT: This is one naming convention I can get behind because it actually tells you how to do it. The one catch is this position works best if both people are relatively the same height.

HOW: Both parties get on one knee but mirroring each other (so if the Giver is down on their right knee, the Receiver is on their left). Maneuver into penetration and enjoy.

WHY: Just to try something new.





WHAT: Time to make use of your kitchen table or similarly tall and flat surfaces.

HOW: Receiver lays on an (e.g.) table with their butt near the edge. Giver gets in between the Receiver’s legs and penetrates.

WHY: Intense pleasure possibilities. Hands are free for other stimulation. If the Giver has knee issues, standing can sometimes be easier on their legs. Also, this position is great if the Receiver is a woman and she can squeeze her Kegel muscles.




WHAT: Make use of more furniture in your home.

HOW: Find a stool or. The Giver sits, and the Receiver sits on the erection or dildo while facing their partner. BUT, you’ll need something the right height – enough that the person on top can plant their feet firmly on the floor.

WHY: Gives you a fantastic workout and facing your lover is always intimate (aka lots of kissing).


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


What sexy things do you do for the new year? Share in the comments!

Kegel Exercises Tips To Improve Your Pelvic Floor Muscles

Kegel exercises – aka Kegels or Pelvic Floor Muscle Exercises – might be the brunt of many porn jokes, but they are actually as important as any other exercise.


Let’s start with not peeing or popping your pants.

Now that I have your attention, let’s begin…




Kegels were developed in the late 1940s by an American gynecologist – Dr. Arnold H. Kegel. The idea was to give men and woman a way to deal with incontinence without having to go under the knife.

He also invented the “Perineometer”, which was a device that helped measure the strength of the muscle contractions.





This part of the body is like a hammock that goes from your front pelvic bone back to the tail bone. It holds your bladder, uterus, colon, prostate etc. The urethra and last part of your waste track pass through this hammock.

It’s the reason you can control whether you go to the bathroom on the toilet or all over the floor of Walmart.




  • Being pregnant/having a child
  • Being overweight
  • Having surgery in that part of the body
  • Heavying lifting
  • Constant coughing (like from smoker’s cough etc.)
  • Nerve or brain disorders
  • Getting older
  • Just because


With the exception of childbirth, these conditions affect men as well.

Any of these situations might make it that your underwear ends up damp or dirty. There is even a condition that affects some women that when they cough, sneeze or laugh, a little bit of pee comes out.

SIDE NOTE – Good Kegels means easier childbirth.



Imagine you’re trying to stop urination mid-flow – what you’re flexing is your PC muscles.

However, Keep your other muscles relaxed! Don’t flex your abs, butt, or legs. Also, don’t lift your pelvic area while doing it. Don’t hold your breath – keep breathing while your flex!

If you still have no idea if you’re going things correctly…

Stick a finger up there.



If you’re a woman, slide a finger up your vagina and squeeze like you’re trying to stop peeing. You should feel the muscles flex around your finger and “move up and down”. For men, stick a finger up the bum (yeah, get over it) and try to “stop peeing” (don’t flex your bum hole). You should feel the muscles contract up and down.




1. Make sure your bladder is empty

2. Secure yourself some kegel balls or yoni eggs used in yoga

3. Sit down or lie on your back (on your back might be easier if you’re new to Kegel’s)

4. Find your PC muscles and tighten them

5. Hold for X-seconds and then relax for X-seconds

6. Do X-repetitions

What’s X?


Every site will give you different numbers – it’s rather annoying. The one thing I will say is that if you’re not used to them, START LOW. No one goes to the gym with un-exercises arms and tries to do 100 bench presses the first go.

A nice medium between all the different site data is around 3-5 second flex with a 3-5 second rest (do this 10 times). Your total “flex count” is somewhere between 30 to 40 spread across the day. So, 10 in the morning, 10 in the afternoon, and 10 in the evening.

Your end goal is being able to hold it for 10 seconds with a rest of 10 seconds (still with 30-40 spread across the day).



Some resources suggest two different versions of Kegel flexes – either for different situations (quick to try and stop leakage and slow to build muscles) or just to diversify your exercises.

While the long versions are the method we talked about before (hold for 10 and relax for 10), the quick flexes are around 2-3 seconds with a 2-3 second rest.




  • Quality is better than quantity!
  • Slow build up your rep lengths
  • You’ll see noticeable results in around 2 to 3 months but it may take longer to achieve the results you hope for.
  • If you’re having problems try Kegel balls or speak to your doctor (there are devices that give biofeedback that can help you).
  • Don’t do Kegel’s when you’re actually trying to pee – long-term, it can have a damaging effect on your PC muscles and possibly kidneys.
  • Doing Kegel’s incorrectly or with too much force can force vagina muscles to get TOO tight.
  • If your incontinence is serious, you might have to do these exercises for the rest of your life.

Mardi Gras Sex Tips

Fat Tuesday – the day before lent and the last opportunity to gouge, merry-make, and be gluttonous before the religious and ceremonial-laced fast.

And boobs.

Here’s what you should know in regards to Mardi Gras sex.




People expect a wild party with copious amounts of booze, boobs, and free sex (probably because of the booze and lowered inhibitions). The biggest (or not biggest) surprise is … excessive drinking will be your worse enemy during this festival.

First and foremost, too much hooch impairs your ability to consent to sex. It also screws your ability to make good choices (whatever they may be) when it comes to STD/STI protection (pun intended) and flashing your body parts in front of the cameras.

After that, many people underestimate the crowds. New Orleans is a small city of a few hundred thousand, but it explodes to over a million for a couple of days. This means large swaths of drunken people between you and where you want to go.

You’ll probably spend more time trying to find a bathroom and waiting for an Uber than hooking up. And forget the hotels, many are booked months in advance – and the Bourbon Street balconies booked upwards of 5 years in advance.



There are plenty of percentages flying around the internet, but the general idea is a large chunk of guys expect to get laid in some way during this night of debauchery. Many women, on the other hand, don’t think they’re going to hook up with someone now. One side over-hopes and the other under-predicts.

Any surveys have been informal and the only serious studies are things related to HIV transmission during the event.

It’s not to say that there aren’t sexy opportunities, but you should probably keep your expectations low.




This one is interesting.

On any other day, working girls and guys experience their average highs and lows of weekdays vs. weekends etc. But around Mardi Gras, it’s a whole different story.

Apparently, most hookers stay home whereas strippers are working 15+ hour shifts that day. The thought is that people come for the party and the hope of free sex – not paying for an escort or hooker (which is usually higher business during offseason with businessmen or other travelers).

But even with the strippers, the bulk of traffic stays to the cheap clubs. People spending tons on vacation and drinks don’t have the green for expensive lap dances. Also, if you DO end up with a 4 am lap dance, don’t be butthurt if she/he doesn’t seem that into it. Chances are, she/he is exhausted.




Let’s face it. Tourist flock to a destination and that destination is going to find ways to squeeze as much money out of you as possible – that’s tourism, that’s business.

But, Mardi Gras is a special beast.

The local police department (apparently famous for being racist and corrupt) along with a local religious group, use the day to crack down on adult clubs in the name of “freeing girls from trafficking”.

They cite old, ridiculous laws – from stage height measurements and rules that say performers aren’t allowed “to touch their breasts or buttocks” – and then slap the club with a HUGE fine. They ignore any woman that says they are there because they choose to be and pull them away trying to “save them”.

And, if the club can’t pay, they shut it down until they can (making the establishment lose out on thousands of dollars or more).

None of this on any other day, mind you. Just the day where there are the most money present and the police department can make the most.

After that, there are the sexy yet aggressive “drink girls” who try to shove shots down your throat to make you rack up a couple-hundred-dollar bill while flirting with you.



1. Getting caught on camera

There is a real chance your boob flash will end up on someone’s smartphone, which could end up on PornHub. If this is something that could affect you, best to keep the girls under wraps. You’ll still get plenty of beads.


2. Stranger sex

There’s nothing wrong with a random hook up. Just remember to carry plenty of protection choices (from condoms to dental dams). If you’re worried about drunken flings, ladies, take initiative and wear a female condom. Bring them ahead of time too, it will be harder (or impossible) to buy them during the event.


3. Drinking dangers

There’s the obvious – alcohol poisoning, rape drugs, being robbed etc. The easiest solution is twofold. One, stick to one or two drinks and just enjoy the party. Two, have a buddy system and take a friend with you. Also, if a “drink girl” tries to push a shot on you, you can politely say no. It’s okay.


4. You’re in the wrong place!

The carnival and parades spread across the whole city – and 99% of the events are geared towards families – yes, it’s first and foremost considered a family event.  This means that 99% of the time, the debauched, drunk, nakedness you imagine will land you in jail. So, keep any flashing to the Quarter.


. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


Any other tips about Mardi Gras sex? Share in the comments!

Best Dildos for Men

Do men use dildos? Well, it’s true that dildos are especially a favorite of women but men use dildos too. And by men, we don’t mean just gay or homosexual men. A lot of straight male swear by dildos when it sex toy plays. Yes, you heard it right. While dildos are great for G-spot stimulation, these are excellent for a fulfilling anal play as well. Then, men also use dildos for prostate stimulation that reward them with a panoramic orgasmic pleasure.

What dildos do men use?

Men generally use two types of dildos. One is anal dildo and the other is double ended dildo.

Anal dildo

Anal dildos are somewhat different from regular dildos as they are specifically designed for anal use. These are slimmer in comparison to other dildos to allow easy penetration into the anal region. Moreover, a flared base is another important characteristic feature of an anal dildo. The flared base assures security and ensures the toy doesn’t get lost inside the body. It’s hard to find anal dildo in dildo section. Instead, you will usually find an anal dildo in anal toy zones.

Double ended dildo

As the name says, a double ended dildo is a one that comes with two ends. These dildos are mostly common with lesbian women but men can use them too. If you are a man, you can use it alone, with a woman or with another man. When you are using it with a man, both of you can enjoy a fulfilling anal play thanks to the dual ends. If you are using with a woman, you can insert one end in your anus and another in her vagina or anus. It’s true that women are in a better place to explore double ended dildo but men too can have an awesome time with it.

You have double ended dildos with vibrators too which will be especially wonderful when you are with a female partner.

Understand the right size

The size of a dildo plays a great role in determining your experience and safety with the dildo. The perfect one will be neither too big nor too little. The classic cucumber test will be handy here. But you have to cucumbers in various sizes. Peel them up & wrap them in condom. Now, insert each one of them one by one and see which one feels the most comfortable. The one which is more satisfying is the size that you want for your dildo. On an average, a dildo with 5” length and 1.5” thickness will be great especially if you are a beginner.

Know the materials

Anal and double ended dildos are available in various materials. It’s important to have a fair understanding of the different materials before you go out to buy a one.


If you want an affordable option, jelly dildos will be the thing for you. These are extremely flexible and are excellent especially when you are beginner. But, it’s to not here that jelly is a porous material and hence slightly tough to clean. You can start your dildo journey with a jelly dildo and then gradually shift to other hard nonporous materials.

Cyberskin or softskin

If you are looking for a realistic feel with your dildo, it’s better to go for Cyberskin/Softskin toys. It’s wonderfully a realistic material which comes with the perfect mix of flexibility and firmness to emulate the ideal feel of a penis. So, if you are really missing your partner, a realistic cyberskin dildo will make your day. But once again, the cyberskin option is porous and it’s best to wrap it in condom while using it.


Glass dildos are made from borosilicate glass and are extremely hardy and lasting. thanks to their robust and firm design, glass toys are just the thing you need when you want a solid thrust on your back.  Then, glass dildos embody a smooth surface which makes them really convenient for easy insertion. On top of that, glass dildos can be used both cold and hot. You will glad to know, glass dildos are always easily cleanable. So, if you want a solid, powerful and no-fuss anal dildo, glass will be a great option.


Similar to glass options, metal ones too are excellent for solid thrust on your anal region. Their super smooth surface always assures convenient penetration. But since metals are heavy, it’s better to use them once you get familiar with the game.


Dildos made with silicon are undoubtedly the most popular. Silicone is flexible, non-toxic and fast adapts to user’s body temperature and ensures a wonderful experience. Most importantly, these are the safest of all dildos, making it also as the popular dildo for female travelers.

Curved dildos

As mentioned previously, men use dildos mostly for anal fun and prostate stimulation. Thus, when you are a man looking for a dildo, it’s better to go for a one with curved shape. The curved part assures easier reach to prostate gland so that you can relish an amazing stimulation in a jiffy.

Finally, always make sure to buy your dildo from a reputed adult toy shop.