The majority of people that have never experienced anything BDSM-related often wonder what is so attractive about it. They want to know why so many people want to be a part of the BDSM community and what draws them to kinky sex.
There are numerous answers to these questions. It would be nearly impossible to list all of them since each person is different. However, there are a few general rules that might surprise you.
People Have Full Control
One of the most appealing things that makes people like BDSM is control. If we are talking about the dominant person in a relationship, the control is quite obvious. They will be the ones deciding what their partner will do, dictating the action, and it can be so much fun. After all, it is an essential part of power play — there is a dominant and a submissive partner.
But even if we talk about the submissive partner, they will still have a lot of control over the situation, even if it seems otherwise. For starters, the submissive person will always decide what toys and scenarios they want to try out.
While it might look on the outside that the dominant partner will decide to use a specific toy, in reality, they have little to no choice in the matter. BDSM practitioners know about the dynamics between couples, and that is what draws so many people to try bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, as well as sadism and masochism.
A Way of Intensifying Sex
If you are looking to try out new things, BDSM is an excellent choice, especially if you want to try something kinkier and more intense. It is worth mentioning that there are many different types of BDSM. It doesn’t always have to be something related to pain.
Believing everything is about pain is one of the most common misunderstandings here. People believe that the submissive person will have no choice, even though they are fully in control of all the actions. And secondly, many people get the wrong idea of how BDSM is all about pure violence. But it doesn’t have to be.
In fact, there are many elements of BDSM that are considered to be quite sexy and kinky. Even cute! And people use them all over the world. We also saw them in movies numerous times as well. We are talking about handcuffs and temperature play.
The most romantic movies you can find have molten wax or ice cubes, and these are both elements of BDSM. It is a way to heighten up the senses and experience pleasure like never before. No one is telling you that you need to go straight to anal play and whips. Instead, you can start slow and choose elements of BDSM that seem exciting to you.
It Involves Trust With Your Partner
Trying out anything new requires a lot of trust, especially if that action can cause physical harm. Trust is one of the most important parts of any relationship. But in BDSM, it is even more important. It would be impossible to surrender control of your body to someone you don’t trust.
And there are many safety mechanisms in BDSM you need to know. The first and most important one is the usage of a safe word. That is, a couple will pick a word they will use to bail out. In short, if someone says it, all action needs to stop. The word means that the partner is not willing to continue with the scene regardless of the reason.
Having someone you will trust with this is huge. Luckily, many people are attracted to this type of relationship and connection, so you have nothing to worry about.
It Is Their Way to Explore Life
People should do what they feel comfortable doing — as long as it is consensual and within reason. If someone enjoys having sex in the missionary position exclusively, there is nothing wrong with it. As long as they are happy. But for many others, that can get rather dull after a while.
BDSM is a way of exploring different aspects of life and sexuality. You get to try out new things, and it can be quite intense and emotional. In some cases, practical BDSM doesn’t need to be sexual at all. Looking at bondage and physical restraint gives us a perfect example of people enjoying something simple. Yes, bondage often ends with sex, but it doesn’t need to be the case unless you want it to be.
People Feel Secured When Restrained
And that leads us to the last part. Namely, some people enjoy the feeling of being restrained. As you can probably guess, Japan took things even further, and they turned restraint into art. It is called Shibari.
Shibari is the art of ropes, and it involves one or more people. You can easily practice this type of BDSM alone, but it is more complicated.
Shibari is an art form where the dominant person will create intricate patterns with ropes, and the primary idea is to make everything look aesthetic. The positions and scenes can look gorgeous, and for many people, the act is not sexual at all.
The submissive person in this case enjoys the feeling of restraint. It is similar to meditation, and they can get in a state of mental relaxation and stimulation. Shibari requires a lot of time and practice, but it can be rather satisfying. Of course, if we talk about other types of bondage, it is a bit different.
We have predicament bondage where a person is forced to stay in a specific position that will cause muscle fatigue. This can be standing on tiptoe or anything else that will force them to change their position. However, changing it will cause them pain or discomfort, so they will try their best not to move.
Of course, that is a more extreme example, and there are numerous others that are more beginner-friendly. In the majority of other cases, the primary focus is on erotica and aesthetics, which are the main pros of BDSM in general, according to many.